Enzo's Palate Operation (2008)

(NOTE: It's been years since I last accessed my blog site and found this unpublished blog. It was drafted way back 2008! Got me quite emotional when I saw the photos. But it also made me happy to know that our dear Enzo has improved so much after his operation. Way to go, Enzo!) 

Hmmm... it's been a while since I last made an entry here. Enzo truly occupies me most of the time that I hardly visit my blog site anymore. Oh well, that's the price of being a mom. You cannot ignore the needs of your child, no matter what!

No regrets there, oh no! It's just that sometimes, I wish I could have enough time for myself and the things I wanted to do without feeling guilty.

But anyhoo, there is a very much significant event in our lives recently that I have to write about. It's about Enzo's palatal operation. As I have mentioned in my previous blog, Enzo was diagnosed by his maxillofacial / craniofacial surgeon, Dr. Roberto M. Pangan, with Pierre Robin Syndrome so we were told early on that he will undergo a surgery to close the opening on the roof of his mouth by the time he reaches his 9th or 10th month.

And so it arrived. The day that me and my husband and our family has been dreading about...


DAY 1.
Monday, 14 July 2008
It was a rainy Monday afternoon. Ricky & I together with Daddy Ric and Kuya Stanley went to the Cardinal Santos Medical Center in San Juan for Enzo's scheduled x-rays and laboratory tests to make sure he is fit to undergo the needed operation.

The E.R. pediatricians were the ones who extracted blood from our poor Enzo. He was crying the whole time. A relatively huge amount of blood was needed to be extracted from him in order to make the tests accurate. There were about 10 blood tests needed! And so they have to insert needles in him here and there just to get the right amount of blood. I wanted to scream at that time and order the doctors to stop what they're doing to my son. But I can't because I know it was necessary. Seeing Enzo cry that much just by extracting blood from him made me worry about his operation even more...


DAY 2.
Tuesday, 15 July 2008

Woke up really early to make sure that all the things we might be needing while staying in the hospital were packed. Enzo is still playful, as always. Not realizing what he is about to experience the following day.

Around 2.30PM, we left for the hospital and arrived after 30 minutes or so. When we got there, we thought we will be admitted at once for we have enlisted for a room the day before. But to our dismay, we were kept waiting for almost two hours because there is no available room at that time yet. I cannot believe that so many people are being hospitalized on that day!

Finally, after almost an hour of waiting, we were able to get a room. Room 332. We immediately unpacked and arranged our stuff. Enzo was still playful. We brought some of his toys, of course, so he was quite busy the whole time. Though the operation will be done tomorrow, we are still relaxed... or we would like to think so...

I know that at the back of my and my husband's mind, there is worry. But also, there is faith that everything will be fine... that there is nothing to be afraid of... that Enzo is in good hands and that he will successfully get through this.

DAY 3.
Wednesday, 16 July 2008

waiting for the nurses
who will bring us to the O.R...

I haven't slept since Monday and I still wasn't able to sleep last night. I know I shouldn't worry but I can't. This is my only son... the one I have waited to arrive for nearly five (5) long years. But I can't talk to anyone about my fears. Not even Ricky. I know he has his own worries about our son, too. So I just lay beside Enzo and watched him sleep. We were told by the nurses and the resident doctors the night before that they will pick Enzo up at 7.00AM and have him prepped-up for the surgery which was scheduled at 8.00AM.

By 3.00AM, Enzo is no longer allowed to drink any milk or eat anything. Luckily, he slept the whole night through. I took a bath at 5.30AM and got ready. Then at exactly 7.00AM, the nurses came in and took me and Enzo into the Operation Room.



I was asked to accompany Enzo into the O.R. until he was deeply sedated. There I've seen how the staff and the doctors prepared for the surgery. I was trying to hold my tears the whole time. I knew Enzo was in good hands but I can't help but worry about him. I just did my best for remove the "what ifs" in my mind. I just prayed hard for Him to guide the hands and the minds of the doctors and nurses and the staff who will be handling my son so that everything will be alright.

Thankfully, Dr. Angel Gomez, Enzo's Anesthesiologist, was talking to me practically the whole time. Maybe he knew I was feeling nervous and he may have even noticed that I was about to cry.

Dr. Roberto Pangan got in the OR after a while. My "kaba" got back because I knew they were about to start with the operation in just a short while. And so when Enzo finally fell asleep, they asked me to leave the OR. I wanted so badly to beg them to let me stay but I knew they wouldn't so I just obliged and got back to our room. It was 8.25AM.

While in our room, random thoughts run through my mind. I couldn't relax. I was trying to sleep but I just couldn't. I couldn't even eat breakfast and even lunch. I wanted to see Enzo and make sure that everything was okay with him.

Until 3PM came and I got a call from the OR. I was told that the operation was over and that I can now go to the recovery room to see my son. And so I literally rushed there and found Enzo crying. His face was sore and he had bandage around his head to keep his hair off his face. He sure did looked like he went through a lot. I fought really hard to stop myself from crying upon seeing him.

After a while, Dr. Gomez removed the bandage from his face. We just had to wait for another hour before we can go back to our room. So at exactly 4PM, we were already in our room. Enzo was sleeping the whole time because he was sedated but I knew he was in pain because the anesthesia was starting to wear off. He was also very hungry for he has not had milk for more than 12 hours already. Oh, my poor Enzo... :'(


Day 4.
Thursday, 17 July 2008

Enzo is still sedated so that he won't feel too much pain. But since yesterday, he doesn't want to sleep on the bed. He wants to be carried the whole time. Maybe he is afraid that when I let go of him again, something will happen to him. I know he's really hungry now but I still cannot feed him because he can't swallow and he's still sedated. Aww... I can't wait to give him milk...

Day 5.
Friday, 18 July 2008

It's Enzo's 10th month birthday today and there won't be a big celebration. But still we ordered pizzas, burgers, fries and spag for everyone to enjoy. Though Enzo still looks weak and sickly, he's getting better now. He's starting to make "kulit" again and smiles a bit. I was also able to put him on the bed but only for a short while. I also tried feeding him today but he still cannot swallow. Hopefully by tomorrow he will be able to feed even in small amounts of milk so that he can recover much faster.

 

Day 6.

Saturday, 19 July 2008

It is such a dreadful day today! The vein where Enzo's IV was connected collapsed and so they had to transfer it to another vein but unfortunately, after almost an hour of trying to insert it again from one vein to another, they failed to do so! Enzo was crying the whole time. Sobrang nakaka-awa talaga. I was also crying the whole time to because he was really crying in pain. I really hate it when he cries like that and I can't do anything to stop him from feeling the pain. 

They finally gave up trying and instead asked me to try and feed him milk so they won't have to insert an IV on him again. All his medicines will be given to him orally instead. Since he cannot use his feeding bottle for a month, I only use a medicinal syringe to feed him. Luckily, he was able to finish his milk even though it took him quite a while. But at least he's starting to feed again and today, he's kind'da getting back to his old self. He's quite makulit again and he's now smiling more. He liked it a lot when I read to him again after several days.

His Ninong Marco & Ninang Tasha paid him a visit and at the same time bid their goodbyes as they were about to leave for Germany and stay there for good. Awww... we're going to miss them.

 

Later, Tita Ninang Ruby arrived with a very big present for Enzo. She gave him a Tomy - Winnie the Pooh push-toy that turns into a bike! Very nice. It was cute to see Enzo trying to open his gift. But his Dad was more excited than him, I must say! Haha...

 

 

Enzo is much better now. He's really starting to make kulit again and he won't stop jumping and moving too much. He won't even sleep early. And he still can't be put down so we had to take turns in carrying him. But at least he's doing well. Thank God!

Day 7.
Sunday, 20 July 2008

Enzo's almost ready to go home now, I think. He's so much playful now than yesterday. But he's still very clingy, not wanting to be put down. His Ninang Aya and Ninang Tyn went to visit him today. I missed my friends. Of course, Janus went with them, too. Vhic followed afterwards. We had Krispy Kreme donuts for meryenda. Super yummy!

 

I so want to go home already. It's so restless here in the hospital...

Day 8.
Monday, 21 July 2008

Practically did nothing the whole day. Pictorial, mostly.

 

Though Enzo is way much better now, he still doesn't want to be put down. Feeding him is also time consuming. It's exhausting but it's ok. Just as long as he'll be comfortable.

Dr. Pangan dropped-by and advised us that we will be able to go home tomorrow after they have removed the dressing from Enzo's mouth. Can't wait to go home!

Day 9.
Tuesday, 22 July 2008

At 7.00AM, Enzo and I were taken to the OR for the removal of the dressing in his mouth. They sedated him and afterwards, they started removing that thingy off his mouth. I thought I was going to be sent out of the OR but they let me stay inside until the whole thing was over. I couldn't look when the doctors were working on him. I wanted to take a video or picture but I was too nervous to even look at what they're doing.

Finally, after 30 minutes or so, we were sent back to our room. It was so funny because though Enzo was heavily sedated, he was awake. He looked like a drunk baby or something. He couldn't focus on the things he was looking at. It was just so funny looking at him. He looked so silly! :))

Anyways, we were then advised that we can go home. We just have to wait for the clearance to go home from Dr. Cynthia Padilla. But since she was out of the country, it was Dr. Kitty Gayo who will give the clearance. While waiting for Dr. Gayo to arrive, we prepared our things already and did some pictorials with Enzo's nurses and resident doctors.

 

 

After paying all our bills, we were finally able to leave the hospital. And at around 1PM, we were finally home! It so nice to see our house again. It's so nice to sleep on our bed again. I guess Enzo felt the same way because he slept comfortably the whole night through!

I am so grateful that our dear Enzo was able to get through the operation well. I just hope and pray that he will completely recover and that his would will completely heal so that he won't have to go through another surgery again.

Motherhood Becomes Me

Hmmm... a blog... hmmmm... where to start? Hmmm...


I've been meaning to create my very 1st serious blog a long, long time ago. I just don't know what I should write about. I have been blogging, yes, but mostly it contains lyrics of the songs that I am able to relate to at the moment. Senseless!


I have always liked writing. I always put my thoughts in a diary, be it simple or grand. Blogging hasn't been my thing until I came across Brian Gorrell's blog and placed some comments on it (I'm sure you've heard of it)! It inspired me. I believe it's therapeutic. And since I am mostly online (and mostly idle), why not put my thoughts in a blog? Now that I have something to write about...


MOTHERHOOD. Strong word. Never really knew what it meant until I became one myself. Cliche? Yeah. But it really did change me. If you are a mom, I know you can relate with me. But I'm sure not all moms will. Who cares? I am just writing about it for my own, personal pleasure, and for those who might be going through the same experience as I am so, here goes...


I used to live my life thinking about: What to wear. What and where to eat for lunch. Work. What to buy for my bi-monthly salary. Paying the bills. Which movie to watch. Where to go for summer. Which bar to go to. Etc. Etc. Etc. Selfish, selfish lifestyle, I must say, but hey, you can't blame me. I'm a working girl. I ought to enjoy my life.


I thought getting married would eventually slow me down with the hustles and bustles of my so-called lifestyle. It slowed me down yes, but only a bit. After years of trying and failing to conceive (I have polycystic ovaries), I guess my lifestyle has become my comfort zone. My husband moving to Baguio has made it worse. We only see each other every other weekend or less. I acted like I was single again. Gimmicks here and there. Shopping here and there. Going everywhere! Geez, I was in a warp zone!


But I guess God really has a way of making things work for the better. He eventually prepared me for the "real" family life. Suddenly it was so easy for me to give up my job and my then precious lifestyle and move to Baguio with my husband. And the the day after my beloved Mommy Nitz (my mom-in-law) died , we found out I was more than 3 months pregnant! Talk about miracles! The feeling was half-happy, half-sad. My Mommy Nitz would have lived a bit longer if she knew I was pregnant because this would have been her first grandchild. But I guess she knew it all along. She just couldn't tell me because she was already fighting for her life then.


So, to make a long story short, after 4 long years of waiting, I finally gave birth to a beautiful baby boy on the 18th September 2007, Tuesday, 05:11AM via CS at the Cardinal Santos Medical Center (CSMC) in San Juan. Our dear Lorenzo Victor has finally arrived! Enzo, as we fondly call him, was 5 lbs. & 15 oz. Babies truly are a miracle! Despite all the pregnancy and labor pains, seeing my baby and hearing him cry for the very first time took all the pains away in an instant! What a joy!


But while I was inside the recovery room, instead of resting until I was brought to my hospital room, I was restless. I knew something was wrong. I knew I had to see my son at once! So 10:00AM came and they finally brought me to my room. I immediately asked my husband how our baby was. He said he was doing good. But I knew it was a lie. I just felt it. I felt it in every inch on my nerve. Mother's instinct. That's what it is. I knew there really was something wrong. I had to find out soon!


Just about then my dad and my sister got into my room from the nursery and asked why Enzo had an IV and oxygen on him. I was right! There was something wrong with my Enzo! I broke into tears and worried so much. I never felt that kind of worrying in my life. I always took things easy. Or should I say, I have always been the happy-go-lucky one that nothing ever worries me.


2:00PM seems to be taking forever to arrive for that was the time that the pediatrician assigned to my Enzo, Dr. Cynthia Padilla, would come and see us. I desperately needed to see her and talk to her at once. I wanted to know how my son was. So when she finally arrived, she told us what's wrong with our baby. That's when we found out that he has pneumonia, and worse, he has cleft palate / pierre robin syndrome, which was making his breathing difficult for him. He also had a hard time feeding. I was devastated. Things went running in my mind. My thoughts were cramming. What's worse is that they might even do tracheostomy on him if his breathing would not improve. But luckily he did not have to go through it. He did well with the ordinary oxygen.


I had too many emotions then. One emotion over another. But one thing's for sure, I feared for my son's life. I had no freaking idea how to deal with all his complications. I just wanted him to be healthy and safe. I want to hold him and make him feel that everything will be just fine... that mommy loves him and will take care of him.


So the next day when I was advised by my OB-Gyne, Dr. Greg Pastorfide, that I can start walking, I literally ran to the nursery ICU station to see my son. My heart melted when I saw him in his incubator. He was too tiny, too fragile. At first I was even scared to hold him because it seemed like I might hurt him. But then he looked at me as if he was saying: "Mom, don't be scared. I'll be okay..." It made me cry. I let my heart out. I did not care about the nurses and the doctors around me. I was sad. I was afraid. I was angry. I was helpless. I was overwhelmed with different emotions and different thoughts at that time. I just couldn't exactly tell how I felt at that moment. One thing was clear on my mind though, I had to be strong for my son. He needs me.


A week after giving birth, I had the go-signal from my OB-Gyne to go home. It was the hardest and saddest part... leaving my son in the NICU because he was still not fit to come home with me. He still had jaundice and pneumonia and he still cannot breathe well without the oxygen and he was having a difficult time feeding because of his cleft palate / pierre robin syndrome that's why he was not gaining weight. An ounce of milk will take him forever to finish. It was so, so sad. My heart was crushed. I just could not take the sadness anymore. It felt like he will be taken away from me anytime. It was so, so sad. Just plain, pure sadness. So even if I had just given birth, I had to see him in the hospital twice a day. I just can't stay at home and think about him. I had to see him. I had to hold him. I wanted him to feel that I was just right there for him... loving him and taking care of him. I have to be with him.


God truly works in miraculous ways. He has a way of making you feel better in the midst of all the pains and worries. He really does make things better for you. After two long weeks (3 days before my 31st birthday), we were able to bring our dear Enzo home! I never felt better. I never felt complete. He was the missing piece not just in my and my husband's life but in lives of my families most especially my in-laws. He was the replacement for his Lola Nitz.


He eventually got better as the days pass since he got home. But then, another sad news came. The results of his New Born Screening just got out. He was diagnosed with Hypothyroidism! I cannot believe it! I was starting to feel the sadness, the fear, and the anger again. The mixed emotions are coming back to me again and this time, I was not sure if I could handle them once more. I was so, so afraid. Tests here and there were done on my poor baby. He was crying most of the time but I, too, was helpless. I can't do anything to stop the needles from getting into his nerves. Those tests were needed to be done just so proper medication will be given to him and save him from mental retardation.


By this time, my thoughts were getting the best of me. I was so tempted to be angry and question God why He had to give all these complications to my son. He doesn't deserve them. It just wasn't fair. He's innocent. But I stopped myself from questioning Him because I knew I had done so many stupid, stupid things in my life and hurt a lot of people and I believe in karma. This was my karma. The emotional turmoils, the worries, the guilt, everything! With this thought, I prayed with all my heart. I don't think I ever prayed so hard in my life. The prayer that I made then was the most emotional one. I did not ask for anything grand. Just for forgiveness and the stregnth to accept the things that were happening. I most especially thanked Him for He gave me the most precious gift I have been nagging Him about. He gave us Enzo.


Since then, things got better. He is now 6 months and 17 days old as of this writing. He is much, much better now. He has been gaining weight fast. Thanks to his haberman feeder (courtesy of his Tita Rona from Canada) he was able to feed so well. So well, that he won't stop feeding. Hehehe... He is now the typical baby boy who moves a lot, throws tantrums and, at a very early age, he knows how to get what he wants. He is quite a handful now but I love him dearly. He's my world... he's my life... he's my everything!



Though he still is under constant check-up and lifetime medication for his hypothyroidism, he gets better everyday. He is scheduled for operation for his cleft palate / pierre robin syndrome in June. After the operation, he will be as normal as he should be.


And what have I learned from all of these? That motherhood is no joke. It is hard work but at the same time, it is fun. No high-paying job can equate the joy it brings. It changes you in a lot of ways. It helps you become a better person. Thank God for babies!